When We Were Silent by Fiona McPhillips

When We Were Silent was our July pick for @rebel.readers.bookclub and it didn’t disappoint. Thanks to @maire for picking it! The book follows Louise, a student who has joined Highfield Manor for 6th year where her talents are spotted by the sports teacher Mr McQueen. Lou is here with a purpose though; her friend Tina used to swim at this school and after her death Louise is here for revenge. 

This is a really important, and utterly unsettling book that examines abuses within the sports system and schools. Set in a private Catholic all girls school, the vulnerabilities of women both young and adult are craftily explored and if you’re anything like me, you’ll find yourself having to put the book down because of the nauseous anxiety that it induces. The book gives excellent insight into victim blaming, as well as self-blame and the overwhelming current of guilt that can pull a person under. We see the characters reflecting on incidents and saying “I went of my own free will” and “I think about how I never said no.”

I’d said recently that I’ve been feeling a bit underwhelmed with my reading choices this year but this book has turned that around. It is gripping, gut-wrenching, and gutsy, not afraid to lay the truth bare for us all to see. Abuses had been happening in this country for far too long and this book shows how people were willing to turn a blind eye, how anyone trying to get help was quickly put in their place and made shut up. Importantly, this book shows the unequivocal necessity for consent in a sexual relationship. Consent is a clear, emphatic yes, not frozen silence from fear, not a forced hand or a manipulation of authority. McPhillips shows just how easily people took what they wanted and manipulated their victims so that they were left confused and uncertain. Like I said, gut-wrenching stuff. 

I experienced a huge sense of dread reading this book, consciously having to unclench my jaw and relax my shoulders, and remind myself it’s just a book. It feels very real, very tangible, and unfortunately that is because this is not simply fictitious. This happened to so many people and it breaks my heart to know this. The author does a really wonderful job, it is truly an outstanding debut. My only criticism would be that of the daughter’s storyline, it felt superfluous given the amount of storylines that were already taking place. 

TW: suicide, murder, sexual assault, rape